I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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