I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
