are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
