all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
