Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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