Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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