the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
