Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
