we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
