The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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