Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
