So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
