my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
