after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
