need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
