your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
