You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
