Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
