She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
