I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
