Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
