im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
