five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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