Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
