isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
