I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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