so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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