Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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