I hope my margaritas pass through security.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
