Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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