he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
