I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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