He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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