The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
