Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
