What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
