i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize