accomplished twins. life is a go
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
