wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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