i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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