There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
