Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
