so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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