I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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