My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need a burrito and a hug.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
