I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
