He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
MIDGETS
????
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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