Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
