I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
