I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
