i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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