is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
