I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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