We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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