Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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