Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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