she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
