I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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