when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
