all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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