I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Panties = found
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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