careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
