are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
