i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
