Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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