If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
