How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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