shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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