now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
