I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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