I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
