Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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