I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
