Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
