OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
