I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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