I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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