That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
