actually, I'm a sock model
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
